Blah blah blah

As a child, I told everyone that I wanted to be a “jingle writer.” Somehow, I still haven’t given up.

While every other middle schooler in America was learning the lyrics to “Super Bass,” I was memorizing all nine FreeCreditReport.com commercials. 

I believe being the best talker ≠ having the best ideas, the smartest people watch reality TV and read Reddit snark, and the elite way to eat a sandwich is with chips at the beach.

I’ll buy you a drink if you pretend to be interested in my story about the time I rode in the NUTmobile™.