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My childhood dream was to be a “jingle writer,” so while every other middle schooler in America was learning the lyrics to “Super Bass,” I was memorizing all nine FreeCreditReport.com commercials. 

Turns out, some dreams never change.

I believe being the best talker ≠ having the best ideas, the smartest people watch reality TV and read Reddit snark, and the elite way to eat a sandwich is with chips at the beach.

I’ll buy you a drink if you pretend to be interested in my story about the time I rode in the NUTmobile™.